May song

[offthewall]

This is my possible entry for KVR 'free for all' theme.

I'm looking for opinions.
I intended to put more instrumentation in this, but the more I listen the more I feel that the simplicity of the one guitar really pushes the power of the song.
I think it is finished  

The song itself is a commentary on how things seem to be changing around us.
Here in the UK we have come out of the worst winter in living memory and jumped straight in to a mini heatwave at completely the wrong time of year. We are having wild grass fires, which would sometimes happen in July or August ... and it is only May!

Here is the song.

The Start of the End.

Tis the first week in May in my beautiful England
Where something is happening which does not feel good
It’s over a month now since summer’s been on us
With temperatures rising much more than they should.
   Is this how it happens? Is this the thing that we fear?
   Does the start of the end really draw near?

The winter just past was the hardest in memory
Where people were stranded and trapped by the snow
It seemed to drag on right from autumn to springtime
With no April showers or March winds to blow.
   Is this how it happens? Is this the thing that we fear?
   Does the start of the end really draw near?

They told us that we would endanger our climate
They warned us the seasons would change for the worse
They prophesied that we would mess up the balance
I feel that we’re seeing the start of that curse.
   Is this how it happens? Is this the thing that we fear?
   Does the start of the end really draw near?

I look forward to your opinions before I post it over there, my friends.

 
James

[folderol]

I like the song, and agree that simplicity works best here. However it sounds as if you're really at the limit of your vocal range. Notwithstanding possible problems with the whistle, would it be an idea to shift the key down a tone or so?

[offthewall]

Thanks, Will.

You know, I've mentioned before this problem I have with vocal range. I have to pitch things from the lowest note and work up, hoping for the best of both.
I know what you are saying, but it HAS to be this key.
I've had another run at it.
Let me know if this is any better.  (I secretly hope to be able to convince LadyD to try out at this one )

 
James

[Oren]

I've had another run at it.
Let me know if this is any better.  (I secretly hope to be able to convince LadyD to try out at this one )

Good performance, James!
No sense of strain with the vocal, and the instruments are capably managed - as is the production.
Feels like a done deal...

[folderol]

Definitely prefer the latest version it sounds 'firmer' (if that makes sense).

[offthewall]

 
OK ... enough time spent on this.
Here is the third and final version. Whole new vocal (again) and slightly less post production on the final mix to try keeping the simplicity.
Thanks for comments.

 
James

[Oren]

Here is the third and final version.

A good effort, but I much prefer your version #2.

[offthewall]

Interesting 

I much prefer your version #2

I have to stand with V3 as it is submitted now 'over there'. Incidentally, I keep on submitting to that contest as I have always found the challenge of working to a theme and deadline to be quite stimulating. I normally dislike the 'free for all' months but, somehow, this month I took a different approach to the composition. I feel that I have been encouraged so much in my songwriting, here at kara-moon, that it spurred me on to look more subjectively at what I really wanted to write about.

Anyway ...  ... I would be very interested in the reasons why you prefer V2 of this song, Oren.
I felt that, in the final version, I managed both the pitching and phrasing more competently, but that is only my personal opinion. What did you hear differently?
Constructive criticism is priceless. 
Thanks.

 
James

[Oren]

I felt that, in the final version, I managed both the pitching and phrasing more competently, but that is only my personal opinion. What did you hear differently?

Your performance in version 2 is an improvement over version 1, but still sounds fresh and personal. Likewise with the production - carefully crafted, but intimate.
Version 3 seems to take the song beyond its natural territory, and to me, sounds contrived by comparison. Too much theory, not enough James...

[folderol]

Hmm. Can't really make up my mind which I prefer, although as you've posed it now the point is moot

[MarioD]

James, great performance here my friend. I love that guitar and whistle combination!

Your vocals are ok but as already mentioned you are at the upper limit of your range.

FWIW-when I have a singer whom is at the upper vocal limit I suggest that they sing another lower chord note. It will change the melody line but sometimes it sounds better vocally.

Note that your voice is not bad in this song, in fact I am impressed with your range, (I wish I could sing as good as you) and it is very good on the lower notes. It’s just that I can hear you straining a little on those high ones. Also note that your vocals were far superior in version 3 than in version 1. I think #3 is your best.

[offthewall]

Thanks Mario.

The fact that you think the vocal is better by #3 proves the virtue of practice 

As for the vocal range. Well, this one has been a bit of an experiment.
We know that sometimes we have a need for some stretching in order to try to improve. This was one of those cases. I wrote the song specifically with a vocal melody that would give me something 'not too safe'. I could have changed the vocal line to make it easier to sing and still fit with the chords but I really felt the need for that bit of stretch.
Personally, I feel that it has done me good. 

Thanks for listening and the constructive comments.
 
James

[Azell]

Personally, I prefer the version 3. What I like least, what are the ends of phrases that I find too "tremulous". But this is only a matter of personnal taste.

[stuward]

Excellent !
Nice performance.

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[offthewall]

 
Thanks for listening, Stuward.

 
James