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Author Topic: 007 Lost In Space  (Read 7742 times)
elwoodblues1969
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« on: May 04, 2013, 11:43:41 PM »

Couldn't complete this tune & don't care to,as I am tired of spewing out the same regurgitated sh*t.I even had a terrible time coming up with a title for this disasterpiece.I think I've reached the end of me,as I am utterly depleted musically.

I'm tired of living in this geriatric insane asylum,with nothing else to do but to wallow in my own thoughts.I have no purpose in my life anymore and nothing to look forward to.If I could retrieve all of the money I spent on my music at face value,I'd sell it all in a heartbeat...but since I would be financially raped in doing so,it will just collect dust,I guess.

Smashing my computers & midi controllers with a hammer would be more gratifying than anything else,at this point.

I don't know if I'll return to K-M after this...but I'll let you folks know at some point.


Thanks to you all for making these recent few years of my life tolerable and even enjoyable.

Kind regards,


-Thom

* 007 Lost In Space.mp3 (6250.12 KB - downloaded 280 times.)
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MarioD
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« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2013, 01:06:19 AM »

What in hell are you talking about?  I have always found your music to be inspiring, well thought out, soundscape perfect, moving and truth be told I am very envious of your musical talents!

So you have writer’s block, big deal, so do I right now.  Plus it sounds like you are in a slight depression mode.  Take a deep breath, listen to music that you either have never listened to before or don’t like and learn from it, read a good book, meditate, and just do something a little different. Then this will pass, trust me.

Thom you are too good of a musician to stop playing.  Just get your life in order so you can start again.
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The older I get the better I was!
Oren
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« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2013, 04:51:43 PM »

So you have writer’s block, big deal, so do I right now... this will pass, trust me.
... you are too good of a musician to stop playing.  Just get your life in order...

It's all about "ups and downs", friend. Challenges... some met capably - others, more than you can manage comfortably right now.

Focus on the "ups" - emphasize them. Remember them fondly. Gloat over the successes you've had.

Roll with the "downs" - write a blues tune, or something morbidly gothic. Be angry, be disgusted. Eat a large jalapeno. Wear your pants backwards. If you're going through a downer, make it epic. Maybe learn a thing or two in the process...

It's the human condition, man.  Cool
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folderol
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« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2013, 07:02:42 PM »

Hi Thom.
Agree with what these guys said. Also, I always think our music is a sort of snapshot of ourselves, and your current mood does actually come over in this tune. That's no bad thing.

Being in a restricted environment makes it harder for you than for most of us, but if you can't get out of the apartment physically, see if you can get out mentally. Are there any local groups/issues you can give on-line support to, or even using that old-fashioned telephone thing?

Finally, to paraphrase:
You can take the man out of the music, but you can never take the music out of the man.
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If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
elwoodblues1969
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« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2013, 05:50:34 AM »

First of all,I want to sincerely thank you all for your kind words and moral support.

As for my state of mind...part of me felt obligated to leave K-M,because I felt that expressing my dark episodes here is quite an imposition(as sometimes,my restraint to keep it to myself..fails me).

The thing of it is...well...for lack of a better phrase,I guess I am experiencing a pre-mid life crisis.I mean...I have nothing against senior citizens in general,but the building I live in was originally sanctioned for just the elderly...but in recent years,disabled folk were granted admission.

A great deal of the people in this building are irretrievably bored,bitter and nosy...so the gossip & personal intrusions into the lives of others is inescapable.
Added to which..but not limited to,is the odor of dead corpses when people kick off here(which is often),the constant inspections,the prodigious rules,regulations,addendums,caveats and just a general atmosphere of a convalescent center is extremely taxing.

Although I am very fond of you people,as well as being grateful for having a comfortable place to live for once...this building and the area I live in is so devoid of culture & a sense of community,that the solitude of it is unbearable....so despite the social activity of K-M,the occasional long distance calls to my friends and the times I leave my building to exercise just isn't enough to sustain me.

I was never very good at coping with being alone,as moving out of my parents home 25 years ago was a struggle,relationships with women was always a struggle(always falling victim to emotional abuse) and surrounding myself with dubious friends.

At this point in my life,I managed to eliminate all of the bogus people from my life and now I face my worst fear...being alone and remaining alone...till the end of my days(which at the age of 44,is a terrifying concept).

I thought I was set for life when I moved to this town...I had the stability of my SSD,a job,a car...friends and everything aside from my SSD was taken from me.

The only really good thing that happened to me since I moved back from Spokane,WA(aside from being near my family),was a close friend from work...but then he moved to N.C..

Lately...all I ever think about,is all of the despicable friends that I've had over the years and somehow that-despite all of their immoralities,they all received everything they've ever wanted(friends,wives,children...money)...nothing of which they deserved...while I am left waking up every day searching for a reason to go on living.

Living a life by a code and living it honestly(being an atheist,being true to myself and others..regardless of the consequences),is all I ever cared about,but is has cost me dearly and has put a wedge between many friends and myself,as well as certain family members.

I'm actually very glad to be rid of all the false friendships,but still...having had relationships for so many years that very much resembled a brother-level relation,is hard to quantify in your head and it blurs the line between friend and foe...making it nearly impossible to trust anyone....ever again.

Sometimes I think that moving to a more enlightened part of the country like San Francisco...or out of the country(preferably Iceland,Sweden or Finland)...would be ideal for me...but even moving to California would be a major stretch for me financially.I don't know...I just think I'm too liberal for this country and I can't imagine being a *** individual in the U.S.(as just being an independant thinker is bad enough).
I can't quite summarize myself clearly enough,except to say that I've never really fit into society well enough and I have been haunted by nightmares all of my life(in which I am walking through cities that are populated entirely with mannequins and I am the only living being walking the earth).
Living with that kind of mental isolation is bad enough,without having to physically be alone most of the time as well.

As for my music...I need another hobby besides writing and recording,as otherwise,I will have virtually no inspiration to sustain my musical endeavours.

Thanks for lending your eyes to my troubles and from now on in,I will make more of an effort to ventilate my angst in the form of music...rather than burden you all with my dark patches of literary excess.

by the way,who wrote the language filtering program for this site....the Westboro Baptist Church?Sarah Palin?I mean...I can't use the word "g*y" on K-M?....wtf?

-Thom  
« Last Edit: May 07, 2013, 06:10:57 AM by elwoodblues1969 » Logged

Marc JX8P
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« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2013, 09:33:51 PM »

Blimey Tom, hope you are well. As someone who lives on his own as well, do consider the advantages in that noone tells you what to do and when to do it... Something that I'm increasingly enjoying. )

I would also recommend you to consider Second Life as a place to go out and to start playing music for a live audience yourself, I'm really enjoying this and it's a great way to make friends and people normally are very enthusiastic about music.

Cheers,

Marc
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elwoodblues1969
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« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2013, 12:03:21 AM »

Blimey Tom, hope you are well. As someone who lives on his own as well, do consider the advantages in that noone tells you what to do and when to do it... Something that I'm increasingly enjoying. )

I would also recommend you to consider Second Life as a place to go out and to start playing music for a live audience yourself, I'm really enjoying this and it's a great way to make friends and people normally are very enthusiastic about music.

Cheers,

Marc


Marc,

Thanks for your kind thoughts.

Pardon me if I'm intruding...but I seem to remember a photo of you,amongst your keyboards,with your family in the back round?If so,I gather you're no longer married then?Anyhow..I have been on my own for most of my adult life,so I do appreciate the advantages of the bachelor lifestyle(but my life has become increasingly isolated in recent years) and that's what I'm struggling with.

By Second Life,do you mean this: http://secondlife.com/  ? If so,it might be something for me to consider,but I seriously doubt it will be of much use in the real world.Sure...it may very well be a great way to pass the time,but I think I really need to spend less time in front of my PC screen and try to find some social activity somewhere....somehow.

Speaking of societal structuring,I recently saw a program on HGTV that covered the lifestyle in Amsterdam and I am fascinated by how the main mode of transportation is bicycles! 8)Not only does it seem like the ideal place for bicycle transit in terms of safety,but also seems to be a fertile social environment.
If it were possible for me to collect my disability pay abroad and get subsidized housing there,I would seriously consider relocating to the Netherlands.

If you could elaborate on Second Life a bit more,I'd appreciate it,as I'm confused as to how it all works(especially since I am unclear as to whether or not I located the correct website)! Grin


-Thom
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Marc JX8P
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« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2013, 12:12:08 AM »

Hi Thom! Well, I never was married so you must have another person in mind! ) You got the correct SL address. It's by no means a substitute for real life, but I found it to be a pleasant environment where you get plenty of places where you can go to listen to music with others and where you can even play as a musician. Using SL is basically free, though you can buy stuff (very cheaply) if you want to. If you do create an account let me know and I'll show you some nice music venues there.
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Also known as Marc JXP
elwoodblues1969
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« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2013, 01:07:45 AM »

Hi Thom! Well, I never was married so you must have another person in mind! ) You got the correct SL address. It's by no means a substitute for real life, but I found it to be a pleasant environment where you get plenty of places where you can go to listen to music with others and where you can even play as a musician. Using SL is basically free, though you can buy stuff (very cheaply) if you want to. If you do create an account let me know and I'll show you some nice music venues there.


You seem fairly ecstatic about never having been married...hmmm...interesting. Grin As for the Second Life thing...the live venue aspect is a bit strange to me....sort of like a interactive Sim City concept...very odd.
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offthewall
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« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2013, 09:30:30 PM »

Thom,
As usual, late for the show.
I just picked up on this thread and am quite devastated at how you are feeling right now.  Cry

Not quite sure how to address your problems, at the moment. I need some time to think.  Undecided

As for your music ... well, I have to admit that your 'dark episodes' tend to be the ones which hold the most interest to me. You have a uniquely frightening grasp on musical construction and your interpretation of 'real' instruments with a keyboard is scary.   Cool

I don't intend preaching to a youngster like you, at my great age. Gonna have a think and get back to you in a few days.
In the meantime I could point you towards the place that has saved my total lack of inspiration and writer's block, recently.
www.kompoz.com

 Wink
James
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elwoodblues1969
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« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2013, 11:10:46 PM »

James,

Thanks for your thoughtful concerns.As for inspiration & song writing...well...original compositions are a big issue for me right now.I have found that song writing based on my darks moods such as of recent,is just another way of wallowing in my despair...rather than it being cathartic.

Right now,I am focusing on cover songs,as I find it very relaxing to redirect my thoughts into the themes of other people's experiences...which is a nice little vacation from myself.

I will check out your link at some point,though.


Thanks,

-Thom
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