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Author Topic: White Squall(V2)  (Read 7494 times)
elwoodblues91
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« on: October 21, 2014, 11:16:10 PM »

Been needing to rework this tune for quite some time now...not just in terms of rearrangements,but also needed a better sound pallet to choose from.Hope you all like the changes...

Earth is firm under my feet,road rises up to the vantage point in the street
The sky's breath at my back,the trails diverge on the path...so it say on the map

The sun breaks through the trees...the sea just beyond the breach
The edge of the earth,in all of it's girth...must take that intrepid step,
until I'm immersed

Bound for no ports,pushing forth...but what do I see...coming down...from the north......

Ominous clouds...descending down...surrounding my vessel in a charcoal shroud

An elemental force..rushing forth..on it's course..
..nothing to reach out to,no one to call...as I sail headlong,into the great white squall...


Correction; this is actually version 3


-Thom

* White Squall(V2)256kbps.mp3 (7566.61 KB - downloaded 290 times.)
« Last Edit: October 22, 2014, 05:18:20 PM by elwoodblues91 » Logged
folderol
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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2014, 04:20:54 PM »

I don't remember this - must have missed it. Lots of energy in this song. Like the style changes as it develops.
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If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
elwoodblues91
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« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2014, 05:16:35 PM »

I don't remember this - must have missed it. Lots of energy in this song. Like the style changes as it develops.

Will,

Here is your commentary from the original;

"You have a good song, and some very good backing sections, but for me the whole doesn't hang together. The changes are too extreme and, for me, don't flow naturally.

The into has a very sea-faring sound.
When the vocal starts the backing seems more like a light jaunt, but that fits the words.
The change at 'The sun breaks...' is a bit of a surprise, however the interlude flows quite well into 'Bound for no ports'
This again leads quite well into an interlude which seems to prepare for something quite dramatic. The words are, but the tune is quite wrong, almost flippant.
The next change seems to get more on track for the backing, but somehow doesn't have as much punch as I would have expected to drive the lyrics.
By the time you reach 'An elemental force' I would have expected the music to have a real sense of desperation, but it just isn't there.

I hope this doesn't sound overly critical"

The title of this latest version,is actually incorrect...as I overlooked the second version I had done.Both were from late 2007...so I would not be surprised if nobody remembers the earlier versions.

Thanks for commenting...once again. Wink Cheesy

Here's the very first version...

* White Squall(lost at sea).mp3 (3518.47 KB - downloaded 284 times.)
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elwoodblues91
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« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2014, 05:17:29 PM »

Version 2...

* White Squall(V2) (1).mp3 (4540.1 KB - downloaded 298 times.)
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folderol
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« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2014, 04:38:41 PM »

Well now, doesn't that show how both artists and listeners change over time!

Unfortunately it also underlines how little time I have to properly write reviews these days Sad
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If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
MarioD
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« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2014, 03:22:46 PM »

The sound pallet you chose for this song is spot on!  As are the sound effects.

You are getting better with  age!


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The older I get the better I was!
elwoodblues91
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« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2014, 08:38:19 PM »



You are getting better with  age!



If this is true,I can't wait to see what I'm like when I'm 65! Grin Thanks for the accolades!
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Oren
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« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2014, 05:34:16 PM »

Significant improvement. Like some epic Alan Parsons creation. Yes! 
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elwoodblues91
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« Reply #8 on: November 10, 2014, 05:09:33 AM »

Significant improvement. Like some epic Alan Parsons creation. Yes! 

Some very kind words-thanks!  Cool
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