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Title: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: elwoodblues91 on October 22, 2014, 05:27:16 PM Retreating back behind the curtain again,
to the only vale of freedom every now and then A keyhole view,of a world gone askew The world goes by,to a blind eye All without a ticket to ride,nor without board or fare Distance unaccounted for,pay no mind to miles before...don't care Transcendental transportation,no estimation of destination Solitary winding road with no anticipation or elation I'll leave it all behind,heading for a sign..unaware of what I'll find... a rendezvous with nothing in sight Intricate schemes...of themes...of the future...with no adhesion.. ..or completion No destination...or affirmation...of self.. Reality radiating through my window,traffic through my head whichever way the wind blows. Time to erect myself out of bed..hit the ground running confront life instead. Time is all I have before me,time to grab all that is for free Title: Re: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: Oren on October 22, 2014, 06:55:04 PM Your most accomplished vocal work to date... :-
Title: Re: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: elwoodblues91 on October 22, 2014, 07:04:08 PM Your most accomplished vocal work to date... :- Thanks Oren! 8) Title: Re: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: folderol on October 25, 2014, 09:12:44 PM Indeed. This is very special O0
Title: Re: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: elwoodblues91 on October 28, 2014, 02:19:16 AM Indeed. This is very special O0 Thanks Will. :) I haven't gone over this song in a few days and now after listening to it again...I hear a lot of areas that really need improvements. In fact,I am actually really unhappy with this version.Mainly due to the fact that I slowed down the tempo dramatically,in an effort to make all of the segments mesh better...but in doing so,I created more timing errors between the lyrics and the music. I really need to re-write the lyrics,as I am still trying to jam too many words in rapid succession and the lyrics are just too multisyllabic. Title: Re: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: MarioD on October 29, 2014, 03:34:54 PM Thom, this indeed is your most accomplished and challenging vocal work to date. The only problem I have is with this verse " Transcendental transportation,no estimation of destination Solitary winding road with no anticipation or elation" as like you said you tried to cram to many words into these lines.
Also at times I thought that you vocal effects were too much such as when the delays linger into the next line making that line hard to understand. You have a strong voice so you do not need a lot of effects on it. These are just my ideas the might improve this already good song, but others may not agree. Title: Re: Cool Remnant Of A Dream(V3) Post by: elwoodblues91 on October 29, 2014, 08:41:14 PM Mario,
Your suggestions are duly noted and agreeable.Back to the drawing board on this one..definitely.Thanks for the comments! |