|
folderol
|
 |
« on: April 26, 2014, 09:32:22 PM » |
|
This is a first draft on part three of the 'Tribes' story.
It's a difficult concept. I'm trying to create the atmosphere of ordinary people going about their business, blissfully unaware of the danger their brethren are putting themsleves in for everyone's sake. The sound that fades in and out is supposed to blend in with the music while giving a sense of danger, until the last time whien it is shut off by the closing of the vault.
The story:
Three generations ago the tribes were forced to leave their country when a fireball fell from the sky scattering shining stones that killed. All know the epic tale of the band of travellers left behind, who then searched for many years before, at last, finding the tribes' new homeland.
The tribes council quickly realised the hard won survival skills of the 'seekers' (as they became known) were valuable for surveying their new lands. They encouraged a loose cadre with a small but growing number of youngsters joining. In time, the seekers also became defenders, as they developed the ability to deal with occasional bandit raids on outlying villages.
Quietly, while the tribes thrived, the older seekers and those of a naturally curious mind, made trips to the old country to study the shining stones, knowing this would probably kill them. A chance discovery of an insect very sensitive to the emanations dramatically reduced this risk. Much later, it was discovered that a soft grey metal could safely contain the stones. All were brought by the new 'curators' to a remote village and placed in a great vault lined with the 'veiling' metal. This was then sealed.
The music:
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
|
|
|
Oren
Moderator
Kara-Moon Master
Posts: 5444
...just looking for clues...
|
|
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2014, 06:55:42 PM » |
|
Promising start - great story! Some constructive criticism: The drum action, coupled with the bass line, sounds too close to "polka" for my taste. Added to this disturbing  direction, your melody instrument has a "merry-go-round" quality about it... not conducive to the dramatic content of your tale. If you are inclined to accept some assistance, I'd be happy to have a go at a more dramatic percussion track.... |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
propellerhead1969
Jr. Member
Posts: 74
|
|
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2014, 04:48:24 PM » |
|
I very much like the story as well and I am forced to agree with Oren,that the music has no relevance to the story,as it does indeed,sound like carnival music.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
folderol
|
|
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2014, 08:54:27 PM » |
|
Thanks for your comments guys.
This is proving a very difficult concept to get across. Fairground is not the idea! But I do want a general atmosphere of reasonably cheerful bustle, with the manace of the stones not really coming to the attention of most people. I would have liked to include the idea of the occasional skirmish as the defenders saw off a bandit or two, but that is just too much for me to wrap into one piece of music!
I was in any case doubtful about the drums so have dropped them. If you'd like to have a crack at this Oren I'd be please to hear what you can do.
I've also changed the instrumetation around quite a bit, so see what you think of version 2.
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
|
|
|
propellerhead1969
Jr. Member
Posts: 74
|
|
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2014, 01:42:18 AM » |
|
Definitely an improvement...but still,with it being so happy sounding all the way through,it's an injustice to the dramatic elements in the story.If you would be receptive to it,I'd like to work in some dramatic sections into your piece,that would blend into your composition(without making your overall theme dark & maintaining the levity of your tune).
Honestly,I don't think adding just a dramatic drum track,would fully illustrate in musical form,the story you're trying to convey.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
folderol
|
|
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2014, 05:35:07 PM » |
|
Thanks again Thom. Youre more than welcome to have a go at this.
It's 160BPM and starts in the key of G. The last two verses (after the rumble of the vault being sealed) are in A.
Tomorrow morning I'm off to Karlsruhe in Germany for a week attending this year's Linux Audion Conference, so won't be able to look at any of this till the evening of May 6, at the earliest.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
|
|
|
|
folderol
|
|
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2014, 08:38:56 PM » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
|
|
|
|
elwoodblues91
|
|
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2014, 12:59:43 AM » |
|
Will,
I downloaded your files onto a USB drive for safe keeping...until such time as I can get my PC sorted out...couldn't give you an ETA on that though.
Thanks,
-Thom
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
folderol
|
|
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2014, 06:28:06 PM » |
|
No sweat. When you get your computers sorted out. I'll leave the files there for a while anyway in case anyone else wants to look at them. Since I changed ISP a while ago I have more disc space available  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
|
|
|
|
elwoodblues91
|
|
« Reply #9 on: June 22, 2014, 03:03:54 PM » |
|
Will, Just so you know,I haven't forgotten about you....but in all of the chaos & changes to my studio,I forgot what USB stick I put your files on,so it's just a matter of time before I locate the little bugger!  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Oren
Moderator
Kara-Moon Master
Posts: 5444
...just looking for clues...
|
|
« Reply #10 on: June 22, 2014, 03:30:31 PM » |
|
Yup - sounds much more in keeping with the story, now.
I am preparing to shoot and edit a music video early in July, so my contributions to this tune will be limited to comments and suggestions only. Apologies, Will.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
folderol
|
|
« Reply #11 on: June 23, 2014, 07:51:22 PM » |
|
@Thom No prob. The tribes won't be going anywhere in a hurry, so I'm sure they can wait a bit longer @Oren Thanks for your support. Oh, and do let us know when you've got your vid. done |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
If you have a poem, I have a tune, and we exchange these, we can both have a poem, a tune, and a song.
- Will
|
|
|
|
